*You can read the first post in this series here.
The Good Shepherd gives his life for the sheep.
–John 10
My husband, Jon, and I met in 1997 in the computer lab of the Northwestern University in St. Paul, MN. I, being a tech-handicapped English major, was grumbling at my computer; him, being a football player with a gold chain round his neck, leaned across the library cubicle to whisper in my ear, “The problem’s not the computer, it’s the person staring at the screen.” To which I retorted, “Well, at least I’m not a metal-head!” Our relationship was birthed through witty banter in a library—a fitting setting for two thinkers prone to asking “why?!”
After five years of dating, breaking up and growing up, we married in 2002 in a tiny inner-city church—Immanuel Baptist—in Minneapolis. After spending his college years at Bethlehem Baptist under John Piper’s preaching, Jon left there to be mentored by the pastor at Immanuel, Brent Nelson, a faithful shepherd who ministered to the poor, mentally ill, wounded and weak in downtown Minneapolis. Every Saturday morning, after brewing a couple strong cups of Folgers, Brent spent hours sitting with Jon in the damp, asbestos-tiled church basement. On those early mornings while his family slept in the small parsonage next door, Brent poured out his love for Jesus, guided Jon in learning how to better understand the Bible and affirmed his desire to go to seminary to be equipped to serve the church. Brent was also the first person to point out Jon’s gift of discernment and encourage him to develop it. Brent used his position as pastor to equip Jon to serve the body in a variety of contexts—from taking on the role of ‘Big Brother’ to the son of a cognitively impaired single mom, to teaching Sunday School in front of a small group.
I still remember the morning Jon taught his first Sunday School class in a partitioned room off the foyer. He white-knuckle clung to the little podium as he spoke to five ladies in their late 80’s, a toddler and his parents, and a handful of others, including me. To this day Jon jokes, “It was the toddler that got me through my first class—he never stopped smiling at me! Well, that and the fact that those elderly ladies couldn’t hear well enough to know how bad I was!” As Jon grew in confidence and skill, Brent met his weaknesses with grace and his strengths with encouragement.
After our first year of marriage, we planned to move to Louisville, KY, so Jon could attend The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary while I worked as an English teacher at a private Christian school. As broke 20-year-olds, we had no plans beyond that—all we knew for sure is that we wanted to grow in our relationship with God and each other while helping others grow too.
The first Sunday we walked into Robert and Karen Cheong’s young marrieds’ class at Highview Baptist Church in Louisville, Karen greeted us at the door with a bubbly, “Hello y’all! So glad you are here!” Robert was a twinkly eyed Asian working on his PhD in Counseling, while Karen—a lively mix of color and warmth—supported his schooling through managing the Recreation Center at the seminary. Together, they modeled what faithful shepherds look like: caring for our souls through listening, asking good questions, and sacrificing sleep, time, (and probably growing their first grey hairs!) as they entered our insecurities, questions, and troubled pasts. As a class we memorized 1 Corinthians 13 and were challenged to live it out in relationship with each other. When a couple in our class lost their newborn baby, we wept with them in their pain, cared for their practical needs, and cried out to the Lord together. When Jon and I took on the role of small group leaders and relational issues sprouted within our group, Robert and Karen supported us as we sought to love those under our care. In our small group leadership training, they introduced us to Dr. Eric Johnson’s[1] work on soul care, which shaped our understanding of how Scripture speaks to the deepest needs of our human hearts. We also learned much about love through watching Robert and Karen celebrate each other’s strengths. Karen delighted in Robert’s teaching diagrams and conceptual genius while Robert encouraged Karen’s uncanny ability to create connection through notes, parties, and dancing to some good hip hop.
Under the Cheongs’ tender care, our eyes were also opened to our personal weaknesses and sins. I began to identify the ways I sought to perform to feel good enough to be loved. I confessed my struggles to Karen, and she extended grace and compassion through listening and asking good questions to help me better understand my heart. Karen’s grace gave me the space to dig into my weakness and sin rather than hide and cover up. As I grew more secure in my true self—a rescued sheep beloved by her Shepherd—serving others became an overflow of love rather than seeking validation though performance.
Through the care of Robert, Karen, and Brent, Jon and I learned that good shepherds live among the sheep, engage them in their sins and sufferings, affirm their strengths, and aren’t afraid to admit their own weaknesses and sins. Perhaps the most important lesson these good shepherds taught us is that shepherds are still sheep themselves who desperately need the Shepherd’s tender care.
Reflection
As you begin writing the timeline of your church trauma story, consider the following:
- Wade in: What sweet memories of good shepherds and faithful Christian friends did you bring into your story of church trauma? You may want to note these on your timeline. These are stories of green meadows. As you re-visit the Valley, it’s important to keep in mind the good that God has done in the past.
- Deeper Dive: Consider how these sweet memories served to increase the pain of future church hurt. Stories of wounding and oppression often begin with an innocent belief in a leader’s ‘good intentions’ and end with the harsh reality of how evil masquerades as an angel of light. How did you experience this “loss of innocence”?
You can find the other posts in this series here.
[1] Dr. Eric l. Johnson (PhD, Michigan State University) trained as an academic psychologist and served as Professor of Pastoral Care at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. He is the author of Foundations for Soul Care and the coeditor of God Under Fire and Christianity and Psychology: Four Views.
Pursued 