Discernment is not knowing the difference between
right and wrong. It is the difference
between right and almost right.
–Charles Spurgeon
*You can read the previous post in this series here.
When my kids were little, we went on a field trip to the Federal Reserve Bank downtown. As we walked through the tour, our guide explained to a host of curious kids and parents how government workers could tell the difference between “real” and “fake” money. The tour guide said: “Our employees spend countless hours, touching, smelling, studying, and analyzing real money. That’s the only foolproof way to tell the difference because counterfeiters are really good at imitating the real thing.” So, it is with most of life—we discern what is good and true not by studying the bad, but by immersing ourselves in that which is good. The more time we spend seeking and savoring the good, the more our senses, emotions, and intellect internalize how “good” looks, acts, thinks, and relates in relationship. This brings us to the key to knowing the difference between true shepherds and false—seeking Jesus, the True Shepherd. The more we know Jesus, the more easily we can spot the falsity in ourselves and others. Scripture says that evil masquerades as “an angel of light,” and what better place for evil to hide than under the guise of religion and religious roles like “pastor” and “elder”? Spurgeon once said that true discernment isn’t knowing the difference between right and wrong but knowing the difference between “right and almost right.” In other words, false shepherds look like true shepherds. In public and private conversations, they may use gospel language, preach the word, hold to orthodox beliefs, and promote discipleship and diversity. Yet inwardly, like the Pharisees in the New Testament, they are white-washed tombs using religion to promote themselves. The true motives of false shepherds are most often exposed in conflict behind closed doors. This is also why sheep with merciful, service-oriented giftings may never experience the dark side of a false shepherd.
More analytical, discerning sheep tend to challenge and ask questions. As a result, these individuals are more likely to experience the harsh, manipulative side of the shepherd and are quicker to exit a narcissistic church system than those who lack discernment. The differing experiences of the sheep inside a narcissistic system exacerbates the confusion. As humans we tend to assess the character of others based on our own experiences. If our experience conflicts with another’s, more often than not, our experience becomes the trump card for defining reality. For Jon and I, this self-referential means of discerning truth was highlighted in the midst of navigating the difficult relationship with my parents. My parents openly disliked our older son—naturally perceptive and quick to question—and favored our younger son—more trusting and people-pleasing. One evening when our boys were about five and three, Jon and I overheard our older son explaining to his younger brother that “Grandma and Grandpa are NOT nice people!” Our younger son’s response: “Well, they’ve always been nice to me!”
So just how do we grow in discerning the difference between right and almost right? We grow in wisdom and discernment as we seek Jesus and live in relationship with other wise, discerning souls. Proverbs 13:20 says “If we walk with the wise, we become wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm.” Though all Christians are called to grow in wisdom and discernment, God gifts some of his sheep with an intuitive sensor for the difference between right and almost right. I am not talking about discerning the difference between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ theology in an academic sense. The gift of discernment goes deeper than theological correctness because it operates in the realm of applying theology to real life. The type of discernment listed among the gifts of the spirit in I Corinthians 12:10 is actually “a discerning of spirits.”[1] That is, discernment picks up on which spirit a person is operating from—Christ or self. Discernment moves past a person’s external presentation to the hidden “motions of the soul.”[2] These hidden motions “consist of thoughts, imaginings, emotions, inclinations, desires, feelings, repulsions, and attractions.”[3] Discerning individuals intuitively sense the hidden motives of the heart and pick up on discontinuities between stated beliefs and emotional responses. These discontinuities in word, affection, and deed are windows to what a person really desires. Christians with the gift of discernment are slow to make judgments and let the character of a person show itself over time. Discerning souls are acutely aware of what they don’t know, and unlike most of us, refrain from filling in the gaps in their understanding with assumptions. Instead, they patiently wait for a person to reveal his or her motives in various contexts over time. The only one with ‘automatic discernment’ of a person’s heart is God himself. Therefore, discerning sheep utilize their gift most effectively in humble dependance on the Holy Spirit.
For over twenty years I’ve been married to a man with the gift of discernment and have learned to pay attention when he says things like, “Something isn’t right here” in the context of church dynamics and relationships. Jon helps me slow down and allow a person’s character to show itself in patterns over time. He also calls me out on my own discontinuities, and though I haven’t always responded with openness and acceptance (does anyone enjoy being called out on their hypocrisy?), I’ve grown more aware of the conflicting desires of my heart and my need for Jesus’ help in shaping my desires around him. I’ve also learned that our American Church culture often values charisma over character, image over substance, breadth over depth. In that kind of culture, men and women gifted with discernment are overlooked and undervalued—to our collective detriment. When we humans lose sight of the true motives of our hearts, we are easily led astray by our desires for self-glory. When our desires for self-glory run un-checked, they eventually lead us into misery and destruction.
Reflection
Consider how the presence or absence of discernment played a role in your story of church wounding.
Wade In
- Begin with yourself: are you a person who tends to believe the best of others? On the flip side: are you more skeptical and cautious by nature? What are the strengths and weaknesses of your bent?
- As you look at your timeline, consider this: were there any discerning souls in your storyline? Perhaps they cautioned you, warned you, or simply expressed a feeling of discomfort with certain individuals or how things were playing out. Note these on your timeline. Do you see these individuals as evidence of God’s grace and presence?
- If your story lacked a human voice of wisdom and discernment, how did God bring wisdom to you through other sources? Books? Podcasts? Blog posts? Do you see these resources as evidence of his grace?
Deeper Dive
- How were your strengths and/or weaknesses exploited by false shepherds within your story?
You can find other posts in this series here.
[1] Niemi, Josh. “You Don’t Have the Gift of Discernment (And Neither Do I)”. Expository Parenting Ministries. Feb. 12 2018. Expositoryparenting.org. Accessed 4/24/2023.
[2] Loyola, Ignatius. “Discernment of Spirits.” IgnatianSpirituality.com. Accessed 4/15/2023.
[3] Loyola, Ignatius. “Discernment of Spirits.” IgnatianSpirituality.com. Accessed 4/15/2023.
Pursued 