And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has
led you these forty years in the wilderness,
that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart.
–Deuteronomy 8:2
*You can read the previous post in this series here.
In recent years, listening to the stories of others breaking free from narcissistic church systems helped our family understand that God is doing more than we can see in any given moment. As the author of my daughter’s favorite Bible story book says, your story “isn’t mainly about you and what you should be doing. It’s about God and what he has done.”[1] When Mike Cosper published the first episode in his podcast “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill,” Jon and I were among the listeners. Many of the pastors and places in the narrative converged with our own story. I wept for the American Church, for the heartache, devastation, and pain that so many have experienced. I wept for the destruction of sin and how the quest for self-glory blinds us to the reality of God’s judgment and the brevity of life. In a follow up podcast, Mike Cosper reflected personally on the why behind the podcast series. He said, “The fact that God works in these kinds of broken spaces, if you’re not willing to tell that part of the story, you’re just lying.”[2]
To echo Cosper’s sentiment, we can’t be afraid to tell the ugly parts of our collective church story because it’s in the ugly that Jesus’ redemption shines brightest. Counselor and pastor Robert Cheong explains: “If you try to avoid working through your story, unresolved issues can stunt your growth and squeeze out your joy . . . You may get stuck in patterns of fear and distrust or your life may be hijacked by reckless abandon as you try to escape the questions and confusion that swarm in your soul.”[3] Cheong goes on to describe how leaving our stories untouched gives Satan the opportunity to leverage evil to distort our vision, damage our souls, and define our story. In other words, suppressing your story of church trauma gives evil the opportunity to bring disorder to your life and relationships. “But working through relevant parts of your story is the means of knowing and experiencing God more intimately through his story.”[4] If we keep our stories hidden, not only do we give evil power in our lives, but we also miss the opportunity to have Jesus reframe, restore, and redeem those stories. Jesus, out of love for us, suffered and died that he might redeem our darkest moments. Though the darkness often scares and deters us from sharing, Jesus breaks through the darkness by shedding light on the good he is doing. Even the darkness is not dark to Jesus, for darkness is as light to him (Psalm 139:12).
There’s a reason we write books and teach classes on Church History—there’s a whole lot of evil in that thousand years’ narrative. There’s also a whole lot of beauty and Jesus making all things new. Church history gives testimony to God’s power to redeem the darkness of sin and suffering. Scripture itself is the story of God’s rescue plan for his people, and throughout the Old Testament God commands the Israelites to “take care” to remember how he redeemed them (Deut. 6:12) by sending Jesus to crush evil (Gen. 3:15). Sharing your church trauma story allows Jesus to redeem the suffering in your particular story and open your eyes to how he is using it to reshape and draw you closer to his heart. As Jesus reshapes and comforts you in your pain, you are equipped to move out to comfort others with the comfort you received from Jesus. As you move out to comfort others, you give testimony to God’s redemption in your own life and give sufferers hope that God could redeem and restore their stories too. In the aftermath of the implosion of the Reformed church movement and the American Church at large, I’m reminded of God’s promise through the prophet Isaiah: “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:19). God makes a way to redeem the wilderness of church trauma: offering your stories to Jesus and trusting that what others meant for evil, he will use for good.
Reflection
At this point, your “Birds’ Eye View” timeline should be complete. As you engage the reflection questions in this section, you are diving deeper into the long-term effects of your experience.
- How might suppressing and avoiding your story open the door to bitterness, fear, or control?
- How is working through the painful aspects of your story with your True Shepherd, redemptive?
You can find other posts in this series here.
[1] Lloyd-Jones, Sally. The Jesus Storybook Bible. Page 14. Zonderkiz. 2007.
[2] Lea, Jessica. “Mike Cosper: What the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill Means for Church Leaders.” 12/21/2022. Churchleaders.com.
[3] Cheong, Robert. Restoration Story: Why Jesus Matters in a Broken World. New Growth Press. 2021. Page 23.
[4] Cheong, Robert. Restoration Story: Why Jesus Matters in a Broken World. New Growth Press. 2021. Page 25.
Pursued 